My brother accuses me of being a bit too calculating, a bit too much wanting to be in control.

There is some truth to that. I like to think, however, that I just like to know everything that I should know.

Soooooo, when I was 15 I called my brother up. At this point he is used to my phone calls. I only call him when I know he’s not in class, and he answers his phone all the time, even if it is to tell me he’ll call me back.

Man, I love that big brother. I miss him terribly sometimes.

So, I call him up.

“Hey.”

“Hey Jessie, what up?”

“I’m going to have sex with a boy. Tell me how to do it.”

“JESSSICA!”

“Wow you sound like mom for sure.”

“I am not going to talk about sex mechanics with my little sister.”

“Please? I just need general things. No need to go into detail, because that would be, um, kinda weird.”

He sighs. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“Well, I just don’t want to lay there in a lump, is there more than just humping back?”

“Depends. How old is this wanker?”

“He’s not a wanker! He’s very sweet. And he is 16.”

“Huh, well you might not get to do much before he spooges all in you. Is he a virgin too?”

“Yes. But I don’t care, really. He’s been fingering and licking me silly for almost two months now. I want it to be special for him.”

Silence on the other end.

“Bro?”

“You’re a special girl, you know that Jessie? Whoever he is, you’re too good for him.”

“Stop! And by special to you mean ’short bus’?

“Just like a girl, can’t take a compliment.”

“Sorry.” So true.

“Okay, here is my short speech tailored for you. Resist the urge to be on top…”

OMG that is exactly what I was thinking.

“…spread your legs wide and grab your ankles. Go for it right after he’s made you come.”

“Grab my ankles? Why?”

“Cause you’re a small girl and that will make him go in deep. It will blow his mind. Do you want me to draw and email you a picture?”

“NO!”

“And make sure he wears a condom.”

Uh-oh.

“Jessie?”

“But, if it’s my first time with a boy, I want to feel what’s it is really like. I want it. In me. Up in me.”

Another sigh.

“Are you on The Pill?”

“Yes.”

“If you get some disease, Dad is going to KILL you.”

“I know.”

“Jessie?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to let go. It’s not going to be fun for you unless you stop thinking and just be a woman. And if it doesn’t work out don’t use it as an excuse to swear off boys. Because you and I both know by now that would be a lie, just as bad as some gay guy pretending to be straight to make his parents happy.”

Whoa. Wisdom from the big man on campus. He sounds sincere so I decide not to be a smart-ass. “Okay. I love you. Tell that skanky ho you’re dating that if she ever makes you cry I am GOING TO KICK HER IN THE FACE!”

He laughs.

Grabbing my ankles turned out to be quite addictive. But that’s a different story, and there is already one in progress…