I “came out” of the “bi-closet” to my brother, of course.

The call when like this:

“(sob) (sob) (sob) girls (sob) (sob)!”

“Jessie! What is wrong!”

“(sob)!”

“Are you okay?”

“(sob) (sob)!”

“(sigh) Go splash water on your face.”

So I do. My brother. He so smart.

“Okay I am back (hic-up).” I am so pathetic.

“What’s up Jessie?”

“I… I like girls!”

He pauses. “Oh. Okay. You think you are a lesbian?”

“NO! I like boys too.”

“Well, that sounds confusing.”

“I AM confused. It’s supposed to be one or the others, right?”

“Uh, maybe. When you think about girls, do you think about kissing them or licking their little pink cunts?”

“Yes.”

“Uh, well according to college lore that makes you a lesbo. But when you think about boys do you think of kissing them of having them put their dicks in you?”

“Dicks. In my mouth, in my poufy, in my hands dick dick dick dick dick.”

“Uh. Well, congratulations, you’re bi.”

“I don’t want to be bi! I want to be, um, normal!”

The brother laughs. He is laughing. “Listen to yourself. You are such a retard. What the fuck is normal? If you want the cunt and the dick, go get it!”

“Grrrrr. Look Dorkus, I start high school soon. It’s hard enough hanging around my friends now. They have like cheerleaders and football players and shit. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?”

Okay, I admit it. I was a drama queen. It’s what little sisters do.

“Talk to Dad.”

“Daddy?” I hate it when people repeat things and here I am sounding like a freak’n limp noodle.

“Yes, Dad.”

“Why?”

“You know, for a girl you’re not very people savvy. Or maybe it’s because you’re just young. You are so like Dad. I am so like Mom. We’re wired that way. But there is another reason.”

I can hear the big jerk’s smile even over the phone.

“WHAT?”

“I think… I think before he and Mom got married, he was a slut.”

“ARE YOU SAYING I AM A SLUT?”

“There are what, two cunts and six dicks you brought to the conversation? You tell me.”

He might as well have slapped me.

“Fine.”

“Oh, see that’s what Mom says…”

“Shut up. And, uh thanks. I love you. For now.”

“I love you too Jessie.”

My brother.

He’s smarter than he looks.