A friend of mine, one of those eternal optimists that sometimes grates on your nerves but you like to be around anyway because she is not a bitch (and you know what I mean), said I was being a tensy-wensy bit shallow with Mr. Insipid Puppy Kicker.

Okay, yes. I was.

But my point still stands. The world is filled with people who yell and are selfish and say mean things. I just can’t spend the energy on them. If I thought that maybe he was having a bad week or something then sure I would give him a chance. My gut, my little tummy, says run away. So I did.

I’ll tell you one thing. Mr. IPK was the undisputed MASTER at doggie style fucking. I had never done it before that way (secretly, I had this fear of some eager dude just sticking it in my small little butt), and when we first did it, that’s what he wanted to do, so we did. And holy crap!

It was amazing!

My prosaic (or should that be INSIPID) confession: I was a big missionary style fan, because it’s just very intimate. But boy-howdy doggie style. He’s banging away back there and it was like my g-spot was being jolted with every thrust. The first time was like

“Oh” (thrust) “my” (thrust) “God” (thrust) “you” (thrust) “have” (thrust) “the” (thrust) “best” (at this point I dully note my face is in the pillow) “looking” (thrust) “ass” (thrust) “and” (thrust) “your” (thrust) “little” (thrust)  ”cunt” (thrust) “feels” (thrust) “so” (thrust)  ”good” (thrust)  and

and them I am coming, the orgasm isn’t one of those cute little releases where you scrunch your toes. It was like being zapped with a gigantic jolt of FUCK, literally I was so wound up my fingers popped and then I screamed. And he was still going. Then I was grunting. Me. Grunting! I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe and then he came inside me and I screamed again. Two! I came twice! OMG!

Yes I am vain (hello, makeup girl), him praising the wonders of my girlish figure got me going.

That weekend, anyplace he could bend me over in my bachelor-shoe-box apartment he did, and I let him. Insisted. Begged.

The moral of this story?

Don’t be mean to girls.